Hard As A Rock
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Ok, so after much argument, discussion, debate, and negotiation, Murphy and I have come to an agreement.
In exchange for my services as VP of Marketing/PR at the MURPHY HOT corporation, I will receive:
15% of all profits on all Murhpy-Hot-Bitches and other merchandise sold under the Murphy-Hot label.
As in-house media agency, I will receive the standard 15% media commission on all ad buys.
I will receive the services of Kelwhy as my "personal" assistant.
I will personally test each potential Murphy-Hot-Bitch before she is sent to Murphy for final stamping as "Murphy-Hot"
In order to complete the above task, I will require at least one uninterrupted weekend with the Original Murphy in a luxurious hotel suite at the paradise-like location of her choosing (i'm hoping for Fiji).
The above-referenced media commissions will be waived if and only if the Original Murphy becomes my personal "Murphy-Hot-Bitch" each weekend for a full year. Additional services from Murphy (or, in the case that she's so "wowed" by her experience with rock that she's begging to pay ME), can result in additional "busines-related" price negotiations.
Ok, so Murph, that's the deal? ... what's your position?
Monday, September 27, 2004
Get Yer Murphy-Hot-Bitches TO GO!
That's right. Cumming to you from Indy, Murphy Hot Bitches!
She's hired me to head up the PR for this Hot, young, sexy toY!
GUYS, you know you want one! (or even two ... who knows, you might wear her out)
Get 'er to go, boys - and take her on that long ass business trip.
Do her on the plane in the bathroom... or in the cab on the way to the hotel.
or in between boring ass presentations about margins and profits and quarterly projections -- blah, blah, blah, blah .. blah
here cums Murphy ... (well, not the real murphy, but the damn next best thing) -- a murphy hot bitch -- officially licensed by the real murph and guaranteed to bring you pleasure wherever you are ... whenever you need it... because it's certified "murphy hot!"
Friday, September 24, 2004
U2's new single, VERTIGO! It's on the radio now, people!!
Request it .. hear it.. love it!
If the whole album is as good as this song ... WOW!
This could be their best album yet.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Ah, there it was. The old familiar toilet seat. In my favorite stall. Second stall. No one goes to the first stall because no one wants to be seen -- or heard. 2nd stall is pretty safe. It's been out of commission for some time b/c of some water leak or something. But wow, i've had some nice times there.
What's that? you don't care about my bathroom exploits (fairly standard, really) -- you want to hear about C and the Copy Machine Confessions?
So, it's not C who's getting the foot licking ... it's her friend, other cute office girl (though not quite as cute as C) -- and some guy I've never heard of before -- but i think he works here, i don't know. C calls her friend while in our office... and I overhear enough to know what's going on ... and upon further questioning, it appears C has had the same boyfriend for over a year, so that rules her out (remember, the letter writer had been in love for "only three weeks")
So, that's it ...
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Now's my chance ...
C is coming to my office today -- to help out later in the day.
She is the top suspect for the copy machine confession document...
this is my chance to talk to her -- or listen to her -- and decide if she is, indeed, the writer of the scandalous document -- and more importantly, to find out who it is that's kissing her feet...
Monday, September 20, 2004
now to the copier, Murphy --
i left something for you
I don't want anyone else to know what ... well, ... you know...
Friday, September 17, 2004
Another copy machine file ...
murphy, last night was just ... WOW.
your special kiss was just what i needed
and the way you ...
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I need ...
Just one kiss. Just one long, luscious, passionate kiss. Just one. I want to be kissed with passion. with feeling. just once. right now.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
And U2's new album will be called: How to dismantle an atomic bomb
I'm not so sure about this title, guys.
I mean, i'm sure the songs will rock and all, but really -- what's with the long ass album titles?
What happened to the band that unleased "boy" "war" "pop" -- even Joshua Tree and Rattle and Hum are short titles... now it's all these long damn sentences like:
"All that you can't leave behind..." or "How to dismantle an atomic bomb..." what's next? a whole fucking paragraph?
i bet people will refer to it as the "atomic bomb" album -- and I certainly hope that that's not a premonition that the album will actually bomb...
YOu can't put these new titles on concert t-shirts...
surely, they have some marketing and PR people working for them....???
seriously, Bono, Edge, Larry, Adam -- if you guys need some help in that area, I'm available... and I work pretty cheap.
More Copy Confessions...?
I still think it's the office girl -- just down the hall.
Who is the other party?
Does he (or she) work here?
the mystery continues...
Friday, September 10, 2004
"Your call the other night really turned me on. I can't tell you how badly I wanted you. And still want you. If I don't get some relief soon, I'm going to have to ..."
Unfortunately, that's the end of the page -- so, s/he's going to have to ?? I'm fairly certain it is one of 2 office girls that have written the letter.
My theory is that she wrote the letter to distribute to her partner, whoever it may be. Why she took it to the copy room, I don't know. How she neglected to pick up this page from either the original or a copy is also somewhat of a mystery.
I personally did not find the letter. a co-worker in my office found it, brought it back, and we got a good laugh out of it ... now, the questions are: 1) who is the writer (I've narrowed it down to 2 strong suspects) and 2) who is she writing about?
It does seem odd that this particular page got left -- perhaps it was planted -- perhaps she wanted people to talk -- perhaps the object of her desire is the one who left the letter (it's very possible that the person she is talking about also works here - and no, it's not Mr. Rock... :( ... )
ok, that's the update for now ...
more to come?
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Copy Machine Confessions
"I love your soft kisses on the inside of my toes when you do my feet. God, I love when we're in bed together."
This is just one line from a fairly racy letter that was found on the copy machine at my office. unfortunately, it was just one page -- there was at least one page before and one after -- but those were gone...
anyway, Murphy, you may want to stop leaving your diary entries on the office copier...
the writer goes on to say that she's never felt "this way" about anyone, even though she's (yes, I'm assuming it's a she) only known the object of her desire for THREE WEEKS (emphasis hers).
maybe i should visit the copy room more often!
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
U2 will release its latest single, "Vertigo" on November 8th! The new album should be released in late November -- just in time for the Holidays!
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Clarity and Charity
First, to clarify the phone issue -- it's not just one night, this is an ongoing saga. Second, I appreciate the "you're great, I love you, I'm sorry" response -- what I don't like is when I get that response and there is no behavioral change. It's frustrating. It's like she's just saying the words so I won't be mad. Don't tell me you're sorry if you're not going to change - if you're not really sorry, make a case for why I'm wrong -- i'll freely admit, sometimes i'm an ass ... yes, i'm not perfect, yes, sometimes i am totally out there -- if so, fine. but don't just say, "ok" so you don't have to talk about it...
got a charity blowjob last night --
it's been 2 months since we've had any kind of sex, my wife kind of felt bad -- and so she does just enough to get me reasonably aroused, and then proceeds to focus on making me cum as quickly as possible so she can go to sleep...
all day, she was telling me that we'd have a "good night"... in the afternoon, i said, "why not now...?" -- she said, "wait till tonight..."
I made a move anyway, but she pushed me away and said... "hold on ... tonight..."
so, last night -- nothing, really. no passion, just a desire on her part to get it done... and not really what i wanted or expected... i tried to "return the favor" but no. she wouldn't let me touch her ... she said she knew it had been a while and she felt bad...
what i want is someone who will say, "damn, i love doing that for you..." --
i feel very unwanted. undesirable. why doesn't my wife want to have sex with me???? is there something wrong? am i doing something wrong? is there something going on i don't know about? what's going on with me?
then, when i reflect, I realize I'm not really the problem -- the problem rests with her... her silence, her unavailability, her lack of desire for whatever reason. I've tried to respect her needs, her space, etc -- and I've been my usual self -- "super-husband" of sorts - cooking good meals, cleaning, etc. and still -- nothing.
so, anyway, a charity blowjob it was for me... no taste, no real touching -- no lingering intimacy -- no unbridled passion -- as sure and as soon as I show more intense desire she turns off, turns away, closes down...
Friday, September 03, 2004
my wife is always telling me she wants me to be at home. She wants to see me and such (monopolize my time, in my opinion) -- so, I make every effort to work my ass off and get things done so i'm unencumbered upon returning home.
and what the hell does she do? she's on the phone. With friends, family, co-workers -- at least 2 hours a night. i'm home, she's on the phone. not much quality time there, if you asked me.
and if I get a call? -- I have to 1) leave the room and 2) endure her coming in and looking at me and making a fuss if i'm on longer than 5 minutes
so, i mentioned to her the other night that I didn't really appreciate this scenario. her response:
ME: "no, it's not ok, that's why i brought this up
ME: "no, it's not -- you're not listening and you're not changing your behavior -- you just want me not to be mad -- but i'm mad -- this situation is creating a problem for us...
wife: "that's it... i heard you... ok, i've heard you..."
ME: (i'm about to GO NUTS) -- i get up, slam the bedroom door and get a shower...
wife: "i don't like when we fight...
me: that wasn't even a fight -- you didn't even say anything...
wife: "but i heard you... let's not fight...
RESULT: 2 weeks after this she's still doing the same shit -- she heard me and doesn't care... that's the message I keep getting. i tell her what I feel about something and she says, "Ok" ... or later apologizes... and nothing really changes....
i don't think she realizes that we will have more of these conflicts, and not less, unless her behavior changes... it's not enough to just say, "i'm sorry" -- or say, "i love you" or "you're great... " I need more than that. I deserve more than that.