Hard As A Rock
Monday, August 29, 2005
Ok, so i'm posting now
Yeah, it's been a while.
Get over it.
I had a GREAT time in Seattle. And want to go back again. NOW.
This time, I'll stop in and see Girl of Summer, Sprizee, and that pruning gal... (which reminds me, i need to add their links)
Upon my return, my wife and I had sex ... Sunday evening, to be exact... it was quite nice.
but then ... later on ... my wife brings up the idea of me getting a girlfriend so i can get the sex i need ... because she feels bad, she says, because she's just not interested in sex that much ...
first, as i've said, her "disinterest" makes me feel pretty crappy -- i've gotten over that to some extent... but it doesn't make a person feel very good for their partner to say, "i'm not that interested in sex" -- like there's something i could be doing or not doing that would make her more interested...
second, there's the possibility that she already has a boyfriend... b/c she said, "you should get a girlfriend and then i'll get a boyfriend"...
i half thought she was joking ... but then she brought it up again ... anyway, this is all very weird... and atypical for her... and something I'm working on
if i could just walk away, i would
but i made a commitment about a year ago -- when things were the worst ... to stay and work to be more honest and open on my end... to express my true feelings more... and i have ... and some things have changed ... and some have improved. and so i thought she was working, too
but if she just wants to give up, i wish she would tell me ... and i can't figure out why now.
my one thought is she's hoping to encourage me to "get a girlfriend" so she'll have an excuse to leave.
if you don't want me, then just tell me. If i'm destined to be perpetually "good, but not good enough" for her, i don't need that. i can go on.
maybe she can't handle that. maybe she needs an excuse. maybe she needs an easy reason to leave.
this isn't what i want to be dealing with
i'm going back to Seattle
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Something about Seattle...
is coming soon.
a new post.
a summary of all the fun i had.
and no, i didn't get to meet either sprizee or girl of summer ... sorry, k-murph -- your dreams of me in a wild threesome were crushed...
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Blogging from Seattle!
Ok, I'm sure lots of people blog from Seattle.
But I don't live here.
and it has been fantastic. Beautifully cool weather that I'd normally not see until late fall
and a much bigger city than I had expected. so much to do ... 5 days to do it.
I've gotten some great suggestions and already enjoyed one of them.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
writing a paper
I'm writing a paper right now.
can't you tell?
what do you think of it?
is it brilliant?
lots and lots and lots of words
and more words
and then some more words
that's what a paper is.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
makes me think of lots of fun, hot, sticky things
lots of clothes sticking to skin, sweat piercing through
lots of bodies, slick, connecting, celebrating
lots of breathing, heavy, panting, wanting
begging for that next touch
ignited by the heat
bodies on fire
and not letting up
burning each other up
keeping the pleasure up
know what i wanna do?
Monday, August 08, 2005
Because it is Monday.
And I haven't had any taco bell yet this week.
And i'm not having taco bell tonight.
and that's all for now.
There, i posted!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
so here i am... posting on Saturday...
mainly to make it 5 posts in a row.
also, because i'll be taking Sunday off.
Things with my wife and I are going well, I think. Or better.
I will mention now that she once again did not get me an anniversary gift.
I planned our trip -- a cruise -- and ensured she received a gift before we left as well as flowers, etc...
she told me i could just buy a gift on the trip and that would be my anniversary present... after all, we've been married 5 years, she said.
anyway, that frustration is somewhat over now... because we did have a nice trip a few weeks back and we did get to bond and enjoy each other...
I still feel somewhat under-appreciated ... but i can't expect her to change her behavior overnight, so I take solace in the small steps that I hope will make us better in the long run.
School is starting for her soon -- and i'm hoping that when she's back at work, we can continue to enjoy the shared responsibilities of household duties which she has been more a part of this summer. If not, i won't be breaking my back to make sure everything gets done ...
so that's Saturday.
Friday, August 05, 2005
um, yeah.. so this is 4 fucking days in a row.
send me a damn present.
no, i'm serious!
I want some presents!!
no taco bell tonight...
maybe a more "authentic" mexican place
and yes, i was serious... i want some presents... think of some ideas, get 'em together, and find out how to send them my way!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
2 posts in ONE day...
I'm a regular blogging fool!!
I just ate.
At Taco Bell.
where I've had dinner 3 nights in a row -- perhaps the low-grade beef is driving my writing
it reminds me of college. Where on campus there was a taco bell ... in the food court. Sure, i could have chosen pizza hut's personal pan pizza or over-priced but tasty nuggets from chik-fil-a ... but i also chose 2 soft tacos and an order of nachos ... every weekday i was on campus ... for lunch... for 6 years and 2 degrees.. sometimes, i'd eat taco bell late, too... out in town, of course. dinner was almost always the cafeteria where i'd eat a hamburger or some spaghetti or pizza and then eat a waffle with ice cream on top and then a bowl or two of cocoa puffs and sometimes some nachos... OR, i'd eat subway... actually, subway was dinner most nights... the lady at the counter ... same one the whole time i was there ... they never shifted her to another restaurant.. always shrieked (or, it seemed like a monkey screaming in pain) when she would say,
"would you like anything to drink or CHIPS?") -- of course, i always said "cool ranch (this was before they were "cooler") doritos and a Mt. dew" ... sometimes, i got a pepsi
but i'm WAAAY off topic.
the new audioslave song talks about doing things that don't remind me of anything... everything just about reminds me of something... and Taco Bell reminds me of college .. being up later at night and blogging after eating taco bell reminds me of college... of course, tomorrow, when the alarm clock rings and i realize i have to go to work at 8:00 AM instead of it being a college friday where i would sleep until 11, eat lunch, and screw around all day ... i'll be reminded that i'm not in college.. (well, i mean, i am... but not in the traditional sense)
if i could spend 1 more year as an undergrad ... i WOULD. college time moves much more slowly ... i never got stressed out about projects or tests because there was always plenty of time... i was always annoyed by people who said, "but i have 2 other tests on that day" -- so fucking what .. what else are you doing that day -- you have 3 classes, you're taking a test in each, and then you are done... that's 3 or 4 total hours of WORK that day... and then you probably plan to go out and party or something... it's not like there isn't plenty of time to get all the studying done..
so, if you are in college right now and are complaining about your workload, STOP IT! I'll trade you ... I'll even give you my check for the DAY -- which, for a college student, will feed you for 2 weeks...
alright, enough ranting...
i wish the taco bell here had "Choco Tacos" =then, i'd go back and get dessert there, too!
3 in a Row!
it's a damn miracle.
also, has anyone else checked out murphy's new apartment.
it fucking rocks! i mean, damn... that's a nice place ... all to murphy.
and maybe sometimes that guy she went on a couple dates with...
or some other lucky fellow.
in the meantime, i'm here. "working"
actually, my productivity has skyrocketed these last few days -- i just have so many things to do that i don't have time to stop and think and blog...
so, i go through it all... fall asleep, wake up, and do it all again..
thankfully, i'll be on a more relaxed pace in a short time when i head up to Seattle...
yes, murphy, i'm going to watch the Mariners play... too bad they aren't as awesome as the Cardinals...
what else is going on out there?
oh, vortexia's drooling over X games boys .... and Taja's visiting my home state and having one hell of a good time...
and kel's showing off some fine legs...
and i'm done for now
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
so here I am again.
posting 2 days in a row.
sure, i'm no murphy. or vortexia even.
i do post a tad more than laura!
I'll be in Seattle soon.
Never been before.
IT's just me.
well, it's a business trip. But my wife's not going. I'm used to her being the one to travel while i stay at home ... this will be a nice change.
anyone from Seattle got any recommendations -- places i should go, things i should see... anything outside the typical tourist attractions that i'll really enjoy?
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
according to my blogger dashboard, this will be my 223rd post .. i guess they update slowly, because for a long, long time every new post was going to be my 101st.
anyway, 223 sounds about right.
i should go back and read all the way through.
I will say the experience has helped me sort things out -- just putting them down on paper would have done that... but the comments, feedback, and virtual "friendships" have been nice, too.
no, this is not a goodbye post...
i'm still here
still working things out