Hard As A Rock
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Of Penn and the NEW wife...
First, let me say i've just finished reading Penn Jillette's book "SOCK" ...
Yes, that's Penn, from Penn and Teller.
and now, to the wife business.
We've been home for about a week and a half -- spent time together, cuddled, kissed, had sex (yes, for the first time in two months -- she was on top when i finished - she never lets me finish when she's on top -- but she stayed, and i kept her there, and it was nice) ...
we talked ... about the sex, about my work, her work, ... here are a couple things i think i've learned:
1) my wife has sex with me not because she finds me sexy or really wants sex, but because she feels like i need it from time to time and feels guilty for not wanting it more...
2) i would do almost anything to make her want it more, because it is the closeness of sexual intimacy that i crave --
3) i still find my wife sexy and actually want to have sex ... with her.
4) i still think we are in different places -- i think we have talked, understood what the other had to say ... but we're not there yet ...
5) my wife tells me i am her "everything" -- but what she means is as long as live where she wants, go to church where she wants, have the job (and the income) she wants, take care of the things she needs taken care of, i'm great ..
6) i don't just want to be the person who "fits in" to someone's preconceived notion of what their life should be
7) I want to make a life with someone -- i want to support them in their dreams and i want them to support me ... and i want "us" to matter more than anything
8) my wife finally realizes i made choices i wouldn't have otherwise made in order to please her and make us work -- not because i said it outright, but because she knows
9) she doesn't care ... she has rationalized that those choices have worked out well for me and that i should be happy because i have her
10) having me is not enough for my wife --
11) having my wife in my life is why i got married -- we dated for 3+ years before we were married ... i knew who she was when i asked and i knew i wanted her to be a part of my life -- i wanted to make a life with her ..
12) i could have kept on dating her, we probably would have gone our separate ways ... but that's not what i wanted ...
13) she really, really doesn't want to have kids.
14) if i had known about 13, i would not have married her. I married her in part because she wanted to have kids and because i wanted a woman who would be a great mom -- the woman i married would have been a great mom
15) i am now coming up on 5 years of marriage and my 30th birthday
16) this means i have a lot ahead of me
17) it has also made me realize i can't be wasting time
18) let's take bets again on when the next time will be that i have sex (with my wife, of course)!
so, at the least, this has been a learning time ... and my wife and i have heard each other ... the next 4-5 months promise to be very stressful and eventful for me at work and school .. my wife has acknowledged this and has said she will be strong, supportive, and helpful ... as i have been at similar times for her.
i am skeptical -- but also hopeful -- that in these next months we can come together ...
Monday, December 20, 2004
No, not the damn President.
yes, a new character.
Actually, she's an old character that deserves mentioning as she has resurfaced.
When i was at my last job that i hated, she worked for one of our clients. Specifically, this client was my account. I had many dealings with their principals. It was an interesting account with a good deal of money.
W and I were the "worker-bees" of the operation -- collaborating on what would be done and how it would get done.
but, looking back, W and I had something more. maybe.
See, i'm such a dumbass i don't think i realized at all that she was hitting on me ... i'm married, not in the active dating pool really, and kind of out of the loop -- plus, guys are just dumb and while for most guys that means that if a girl looks at them, a guy thinks she's hitting on him, i'm on the opposite end where it must be made VERY obvious to me that a girl likes me and then perhaps i'll believe it ... well, that used to be me, anyway -- as i'm enjoying my work more and other positives are happening to me outside of my marriage, my confidence is improving and i believe i'm picking up more of the signals...
nevertheless, in recounting stories about W to other people recently as she has resurfaced, i've been told over and over that she was clearly hitting on me...
ok, so here's how it went. W would call me often to go to lunch - ostensibly about our work-related stuff -- we'd end up talking about anything but -- and one thing i do remember is how other guys would look at her -- she was always dressed very professionally, but she was (is) wonderfully sexy -- anyway, at first these were monthly or every other month lunches -- then, it was almost every week we were lunching somewhere ... she always calling me, sometimes at the "spur of the moment" -- i always went, enjoying her company, and thinking at least some business-related activity got done - it usually did ..
she would tell me about her latest failed date and ask me to hook her up with some stable, decent guy in my field ... she was fascinated by the work i did, she would say..
she would recommend some new place she'd found while out the weekend before -- and worry that i wasn't getting out enough since i was married.
she invited me to go drinking with her friends sometimes after work - i usually declined, not being a drinker and either having to go work another job or go to class -- or, get home to my wife...
she'd regale me with tales of her friends and their weekend exploits... and almost always end up wondering if there'd ever be a guy she liked enough to make her quit smoking. (i hate cigarettes, but she looked damn sexy with one between her fingers...)
alas, aside from accepting these lunch dates, i never ventured further...
W is back. sort of. Around again in an odd way since I've changed jobs -- and she hasn't. But things tend to move in weird circles.
this time, will i take the hints?
Thursday, December 16, 2004
just can't stop
banging this shit out..
i mean, really, if i'm posting all the time,
i'm getting something out..
of my head
murphy, where the hell is that new banner?
vortexia, honey, sweet belly-button bearing girl, ... this plan of yours isn't working
people can't comment as fast as i'm posting...
or can they...
it's a damn challenge, people -- let's answer the call
not done yet...
i'm still posting
ok, vortexia, this isn't going to work
as often as i'd want it, there'd be nothing else to do..
ok, it's not that bad...
but i do crave a touch...
and one more time.
here i go again...
this time, it's the very sexy red-head i noticed
last night in the CD section
i don't know what she bought, but i would gladly have paid for it
just to have a chance to say ... "hello..."
to learn her name
her body was so sleek, but soft in the right spots
vortexia suggests i post as often as i'd like to be having sex.
an interesting proposition
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
yeah, that's right, i'm stealing murphy's post idea
but what the hell else am i going to post...
and yeah, i'm writing in green.
so go fuck yourself.
oh, to be like mona...
to post about once a week and always impress with supreme brilliance...
or, vortexia, with a cute ass little belly button to show off to the world...
So, what do you think should be on Murphy's banner?
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
does rock have time to enjoy himself?
well, i'll tell you, with a wife in the house, it's tough - -
so, there's the shower -- that works sometimes --
and then there are days when she's gone -- sometimes, she'll go shopping or have a work-related function ... and i'll have an hour or more alone ... as long as i clean up nicely, i can use our bed and she never knows ...
2 stories about this ... one is somewhat embarrassing, i guess...
on one such occasion when my wife and her sister were out, i was in our bedroom enjoying a little "personal time" --
as i'm close to finishing, i hear the back door open and her sister's voice....
our bedroom door is wide open ... then, my wife walks in the house and they start talking ...
at this point, i have little choice but to finish ... so, i grab my underwear, climax, cover up the "vital" area and head straight into the bathroom as if i was getting a shower... of course, i shower, clean up, come out and no one suspects...
less embarrassing was the other night -- as i finish a nice workout in the garage i hear the water start running and the water heater crank up -- and i know my wife is in the shower ... working out always makes me a little horny, and i realize that this is a key time...
so, i sit on the weight bench and begin pleasuring myself... just as the shower is shutting off, i finish... clean the floor, and head inside to take my own shower...
probably more info than some of my readers wanted to know -- but then, it does tell the story of how I manage to find a bit of sexual release in spite of my wife's lack of participation...
Monday, December 13, 2004
Not a chump ...
unlike Murphy's last date, i'm not a chump.
maybe a chimp, but definitely not a chump.
Went to a party Sunday -- by myself -- my wife didn't want to go and so she stayed home ... i was glad, b/c often when we go out socially, unless it's "her crowd," she's very reclusive ... This was a group of people I work with at one of my part-time endeavors. Anyway, if she goes with me, it's usually come in, grab a drink, she says "hi" to a couple people, and in 20 or 30 minutes, she's ready to go.
I stayed for almost 3 hours. Had a great time -- it's just nice to be out socially and get to know people you're around in a work setting a little better - i mean, sometimes, that's not great, but I really enjoyed this event.
An added plus was that my wife was unusually perky when i got home -- sometimes, when i'm away at a party or whatever and she's alone, she'll pout when i get home -- but, no pouting last night...
no sex, either.
probably wise given the birth control situation described last week.
all in all, it was a good weekend for me...
more later on how and when rock satisfies his sexual needs despite an unwilling spouse
Friday, December 10, 2004
This is almost exactly what she would look like.
I've seen her in person as recently as 2 months ago, probably.
she's actually fairly athletic (as is M) ... both are/were athletes in high school and to some extent college
I got lazy and M and B are not really dressed --
but she appears to have a great body from what i can tell.
i just hit 10,000 total page loads since i started counting!
Thanks to all of you who have been visiting Hard as a Rock..
Haven't seen her in quite some time, but this is again, pretty close to her actual looks ... i don't know about the overall outfit, but she would love the fur collar and cuffs...
it's pretty close to her real looks -- her face is amazingly beautiful -- and of course, this doesn't capture that ... but blonde, fair-skinned, blue eyes, that's her.
The Virtual Characters ...
Those of you following this blog for some time know that there are several key characters who are mentioned from time to time.
My wife is the most frequent, of course.
Then, A, B, M are other women that make up the "other interesting women" portion of what my blog's about. Of course, other women (and other people, generally) come into play. But when this whole thing started, these 4 women were the key focus.
Yesterday, I posted virtual me.
Today, i'm posting the virtual versions of my wife, A, B, and M. Keep in mind that after a run-in with A where she called my house, we have had no contact -- that's been about 4 or 5 months now. But again, since she was a factor when I started, I thought I'd put her up.
So, keep watching, the virtual characters are coming soon.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
i also wear glasses.
but i'm a shirt and tie guy, suits, too.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Things you shouldn't do ...
If you are a woman, you probably shouldn't take 3 birth control pills all at once when you realize you've missed the last 2 days...
Yes, that was the experiment my wife tried last night -- rather than reading the directions and noting that you are under no cicumstances to take more than 2 pills in one day, and after having taken 2 pills in one day in the past and noticing an increase in nausea and a tendency toward migraines, my wife proceeds down this path.
3 pills before bedtime.
vomiting at 11:30, midnight, and 1:30. in between a call to the pharmacist -- who said she would be fine but sick for a while -- and that once she got back on schedule, she needed to wait at least 7 days before having sex without another form of birth control ...
i don't particularly enjoy condoms, but my wife REFUSES to let me use them at all, which i find interesting and problematic.
anyway, this one is chalked up to experience and hopefully we'll have her back on the right track in the next few days.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Correct me if i'm wrong ...
but, it is rude to trim your fingernails in a public hallway at the office, isn't it?
also, special dark cures all.
finally, i want to reiterate that it is a BAD idea to date a co-worker.
Monday, December 06, 2004
yes, i bought a large size bar of hershey's "special dark" chocolate -- they had them on sale for $1.00 when i was at the store buying groceries... i hid it in my car and took it directly to work so my wife wouldn't get any of it...
i LOVE dark chocolate....
i just had 3 squares as a pre-lunch appetizer.
Murphy asked for it...
hell, she practically begged ... and i gave it to her... and she liked it (of course) ... and begged for more.
oh, wait -- sorry, this is the 'new post' she said i needed.
i suppose she is right.
In response to the anonymous reader, I do teach at a university -- i am not yet going to reveal what i teach to the general reading public -- but if anon will reveal themselves in an email, perhaps we can discuss it..
murphy really asked one question: Did i have sex this weekend?
I did have a nice saturday evening shower session with myself (again, i'm reminded of the movie American Beauty)
i find that not having sex for long periods of time makes me especially prone to gazing at anything that is even remotely close to being female. ok, i really only check out reasonably attractive girls, but my thoughts grow more and more devious as the days go by.
Although I feel strong about my commitment to my wife, i could also see a scenario where my resistance is very low and i give in given the right opportunity.
so, murphy, you got it ... you wanted it and you got it...
and you liked it
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Click here ...
I just visited this site -- found out Laura was/is reading me from my statcounter...
Let me just say she is beautiful.
If you really want to just visit a girl who is very attractive (no guys, no nasty porn) -- check her out ..
also, her blog appears to be reasonably interesting...
Ok, here it is...
The missing post from yesterday.
I HATE Christmas music. Makes me kind of angry.
I used to love it, the crowded mall, the throngs of people, and a great Christmas tune ... Silent Night or Chestnuts... or whatever...
but now, i hate it. the "classics" -- whatever?
Who decided that these were the best songs and that there couldn't be any others?
I still like Christmas -- presents, eggnog, cooler weather, decorating the house ... it's all great. the music really pisses me off.
oh, and how does a married guy go about asking out that cute little bank teller who he sees a couple days a month?
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
If you are ...
hell, forget it, i had something i was going to post...
then, i went to teach class
and a student wasn't prepared ...
and this is an assignment that has been talked about since before Thanksgiving -- november 15, to be exact -- and re-stated in class over and over again.
so, in front of the whole class, i let him have it. i didn't yell. i don't generally yell. but he got the point in no uncertain terms.
in front of the whole class.
and, it was teacher evaluation day, too --
so, anyway, i'm sure there will be all kinds of great comments for me to read later...
what a great way to spend the hour before lunch..
this student will end up with a "D" in all likelihood...