Hard As A Rock
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Saturday, April 2nd.

Write it down.

Book your hotel.

Get your plane tickets.

April 2nd is the BIG DAY!

Rock, V, and The Beer will wed ... i'm to be the wife... and i'll be worn ragged trying to keep up with TWO husbands... who will expect me to cook, clean, and be a slave to their every desire... how will i ever manage??

Traveled home this past weekend... saw my Dad and my Mom... everything was fine.

My wife alerted me when we arrived at my mom's ... where we stayed... that she had packed 2 condoms!... only got to use one ... but wow... what a friday night. for some reason, staying with my mom makes my wife seem extra horny... maybe it's the reverting back to that time when you fooled around in your parents' house... makes you feel a little naughty, a little young...

i really don't care, because it was quite nice. my wife had what was by all reports (and yes, i could feel it) a tremendous orgasm... and I LOVE that... of course, we can't do it two nights in a row...i guess she figures i've had it once, i can wait a bit... but i'm not really complaining here ... just saying that i wish we could be like that more often... and I don't know how to make her be that receptive. (and yes, we were both in bed, the lights were off, and we had both showered)... all of that is fine, too.

i would like in the interim for there to be more kissing... more making out on the couch -- no sex required.

i think that might make both of us look forward to the weekend more... if we get all hot and bothered with each other during the week, we'll be ready to go at each other with crazy desire on saturday night.... sure, i'd like more than once a week...but i'm really just trying to improve the current situation.

On night 2 of the trip, my wife went over our financial situation in great detail. this gets really taxing and it's not really the kind of discussion i'm up for late in the evening. plus, it all comes down to she wants us to have more money -- which really means i need to make more money.

she's been fairly supportive this year (as compared to last) as i'm entering my busiest time at work and an especially taxing time at school. i'm still left to plan the meals and often come home to find laundry needing to be done and dishes to be cleaned plus her lunch to be made, clothes to be ironed... and she's been home for 4 or 5 hours ... watching tv, talking on the phone...

the other night she asked me to iron something for her... i told her it was already 11, i had to get up the next day, and she had been home for 4 hours before i even got home... so i was going to bed... in fact, i've started just going to bed after i've gotten my affairs in order for the next day ... if she needs something done or if dishes stay in the sink for a few days or whatever, she can either do it or look at it until i get some down time.

I DO not feel i should have to ask for this kind of support... she should want me to be happy, well-rested, etc... she should want to make my life better just as i do hers...

a good example... the other night after she'd had a particularly stressful day, i began rubbing her shoulders and back while she was on the computer... just what she needed, she said. I NEVER GET THIS TREATMENT....

i could get home at 9:30 at night after leaving the house before 7 AM, take a shower, be exhausted, and not even get a kiss... much less a backrub.

i could come home at a regular time (by 6:00, let's say)... and she'll ask me what we're doing for dinner rather than either A) taking care of her own meal or B) taking a few minutes to fix something quick for both of us... i don't expect her to cook full meals every night... but at least realize that I'm busy, tired, and working hard and try to every now and then give me a little extra care. Shouldn't she want that if she really feels for me the way i do about her... the way a wife and husband should feel for each other??

i'm not asking for perfect.. i don't need a sex-crazed genius who cooks gourmet meals every night and has a high-paying, exciting job... i need the woman i fell in love with, the woman i care for... to act like she's still in love with me...

I'M NOT PERFECT. i freely admit that... i do things that annoy her.. i have frustrating quirks... but at my core, i love her... and do my best to demonstrate that... and for a while now, i've felt that she loves me only to the extent that i make her life more comfortable... to the extent that i'm simply reliable.... and that she doesn't want to be inconvenienced by any of my needs and she certainly won't go out of her way to show me i'm something MORE to her... something really special.

Ok, so that was a lot...

but 1) i'm getting married (virtually) on Saturday to two lovely husbands-to-be

2) i love my work right now

3) school is going great

4) overall, i'm feeling GOOD!

lots of positives!

Thursday, March 24, 2005
Tired as fuck...

Have you noticed that i'm adding the f-word to my headings... it's fun as fuck.

ok, maybe not that much fun... but how the hell should i know, anyway?

so yeah, i've got 400 things happening all today and i'm going nuts b/c i'm off tomorrow and it all has to get done and all i can think about is crawling into bed and sleeping... (ok, i can think about more than sleeping, but i don't really have a willing partner).

so, that anticipation of the really good, uninterrupted sleep that will last until the sun comes up... and then knowing i can stay in the warm bed for hours after... that's what's wearing me down.

later tomorrow, i'll be heading home... well, not really home, but to see my parents... yes, i'll be seeing my dad. it'll be fine.

and Taja ... i'll be very near you.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Wanna grab a fuck?

yeah, that's right... i said it.

lots of us think about it.

instead, we say, "wanna grab a drink>..?

well, no i don't drink... don't like it... and really don't see any need to spend money procuring a beverage that does nothing for me but make me lose my mental faculties and piss a lot...

but i would like to ... grab a fuck.. just a quick fuck after work.

you know, we're both horny, young, and ready... so... let's grab a fuck... spend the hour or so we'd spend at the bar just releasing all our tensions the natural way.

Monday, March 21, 2005
This one's for Taja ...

I am so incredibly horny right now.

My wife was sick most of last week ... and recovering and sleeping this weekend. So, no sex for me... in fact, it's been a while.. remember when she asked me to buy the condoms... ??? well .. .it's been since then.

I can completely sympathize with Taja ... I'm tired of being the one who initiates anything ... i'm tired of her being tired. I'm tired of being made to feel like i'm "dirty" if i try and start something...

and ... here's the thing. She has one job and is home everyday around 4:00. I have a full-time job and a couple of part-time things I work at least once a week. Plus, i'm in school.

so, like taja's hubs, i'm tired ... a lot. but that doesn't mean i wouldn't like a little more physical closeness.

if my wife started giving me a handjob while i was on the computer, i would lose all focus, i would turn around in my chair, i would rip her pants down to her ankles and feast on her legs and enjoy every second of performing orally on her until her knees buckled and she was on the floor...

it wouldn't matter how late it was .. or how tired...

all i want sexually ... is to feel desired. to feel like she wants me ... at least sometimes. to feel her respond when i initiate ... to see her take charge and lead me down the path to panting, moaning, and messiness...

sure, there are other issues we deal with... and i want those addressed as well...

but on the sex front, i don't need it or want it every day .. not even every week (though i'd like that!)... i need to be needed.... to be wanted.

Taja is wanting and needing her husband... and he's "not available"... he has what i want and doesn't seem to be all that excited about it.

so, taja, how about you and me spend a weekend in a cabin by a lake?

Friday, March 18, 2005
Abstinence Sucks!

NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely to take chances with other kinds of sex that increase the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, a study of 12,000 adolescents suggests.

The report by Yale and Columbia University researchers could help explain their earlier findings that teens who pledged abstinence are just as likely to have STDs as their peers.
The latest study, published in the April issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that teens pledging virginity until marriage are more likely to have oral and anal sex than other teens who have not had intercourse. That behavior, however, "puts you at risk," said Hannah Brueckner, assistant professor of sociology at Yale and one of the study's authors.

Among virgins, boys who have pledged abstinence were four times more likely to have had anal sex, according to the study. Overall, pledgers were six times more likely to have oral sex than teens who have remained abstinent but not as part of a pledge.

UMmmm... does this surprise anyone???

Thursday, March 17, 2005
As of this morning ...

It's just 2.5 lbs. -- Vortexia, I'm on the way!!

and Murphy, it seems no one else wants to bid on your womb... so, it seems i'm the high bidder (sorry, V, hope this doesn't disrupt our soon-to-be very new marriage)...

and no, no one else has offered their womb for rental.

Mona will probably write a story about all of that... and put it in such eloquent words we're all left drooling, crying, or both.

Oh, and my new musical love is the Beck song "E Pro"

Wednesday, March 16, 2005
3 lbs to Vortexia!

That's right. Earlier, I wrote about my weight loss -- no, i'm not fat, but I am trying to get into better shape. So, I'm 3 pounds from my goal weight. And then, I'm off to marry Vortexia AND the beer... i'll be the wife... and i've got to look damn good in my wedding outfit.

plus, i need to be in great shape with lots of stamina for all the "work" they'll have me doing.

Don't worry, V... it'll be before the month is over!

Monday, March 14, 2005
Sometimes ... continued ...

As one might guess, the Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your own post is here.. and it's about my Dad.

Because the song, by U2, is about Bono's dad.

Bono's mom died when Bono was 14. His dad raised him. His dad was a working-class guy ( a postal worker) who loved music and hated that Bono was a rock singer.

I heard the song the other day and my emotions got the best of me.

For so long I wanted to have a Dad I could look up to ... one I could be proud of ... one who would show me what it's like to be a man ... to be honorable.

I imagined such a man was my dad. I told my friends about all the wonderful things my dad did. That's so important to a boy. If you had a great dad, you may not realize this. Hell, even if you had a pretty good dad.

it was hard for me to admit that my dad wasn't a good dad to me. I wanted him to be a good dad. I wanted him to love me more than he loved the other things in his life that caused our family all sorts of problems.

I wanted to love a man who stole from me and who hurt my mom (not physically) ... and who tore our family apart.

If this man wasn't my dad, i would never talk to him. I would never go see him. I would wish that he would go away.

This man is my dad. I don't call him. He doesn't call me. We email some. I visit when i'm in town. i wish that he would go away.

i never want to be like him.

he never wanted to be like his dad. he never wanted me to feel about him the way he felt about his dad. he never drank or beat me like his dad did. but he hurt me. and the pain stings worse as an adult than it did when i was a child.

yeah, so this was not such a fun post.

Friday, March 11, 2005
Sometimes you can't make it on your own ...

There is a post behind this statement of lyrics...

but not today.

stay tuned.

Thursday, March 10, 2005
I love books ...

I was just in the library. I haven't been in forever. Most research can be done from the comfort of my computer chair.

no need to expose myself to real books or actual people.

but today, i needed a book. And i went to the library. The school library. One of those old libraries in the basement of a 60s era building. Dark. the smell of paper thick in the air.

i love it.

i got lost for a few minutes before i realized i was on my lunch break and my car was in a tow away zone.

when i came to, i had the book i needed and one more. and a renewed commitment to visit the library again. to get lost there. to spend a day just going from book to book reading, thinking, reflecting.

now, i'm back in the real world. but for a moment, i was lost in a very, very special place.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005
I'm bidding ...

on the rental fee for murphy's womb. Of course, i get exclusive rights to deposit the "baby rock" in the traditional way ... and that means at least 3 months of "warm-up" time to get used to the murphy experience.

once we're "ready," we'll go hard at it until the womb is occupied. and of course, I'll continue paying the fee until the term is complete.

Here's my package (no, not that package...!) :

1) a free apartment -- I choose the location and it has to be close to my work for obvious reasons

2) a basic needs allowance -- for supplies, basic food, etc .. $350/month

3) clothing allowance -- $200/month

4) personal allowance -- so murph can be truly happy -- $350/month

estimated total time of rental: 15 months -- that's 3 months of "safe" warming time and then another 3 months for the actual womb occupancy to materialize and then 9 months for the term

So, murph, that's $900 a month plus a free place to live

oh, and of course, all medical expenses related to womb rental paid by me

any other bidders?

any other takers?

Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Kissing the Spriz ...

Ok, since kissing may not be cheating, I'll kiss Sprizee ... based on her picture in her blog, i'd say she's quite kissable.

on reflection, and despite dobbs enticing suggestion, i think my wife may have been fishing for info more than anything -- trying to decide if i'm happy with things or if i'd even consider an alternative arrangement...

maybe she wanted me to say "you know, you're right ... kissing isn't cheating... " and then she'd launch into "really? who do you want to kiss... have you kissed?..."

based on her overall personality, that makes the most sense.

i suppose it is possible she wants to explore 1) my level of commitment to her and 2) the basic question of "is our marriage working."

AT that level, i appreciate the interest in discussing where we are and where we're going.

of course, as the future wife of vortexia and the beer, i'd say there's lots of kissing in my future...


Monday, March 07, 2005
Cherry Vanilla ... and ... What???

ok, so I tried Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper this weekend. Not bad. I mean, i like Dr. Pepper and the added flavor was nice ...but almost too much.

and then, here's the statement of the weekend... "kissing's not cheating"

said by my wife.

i'm not really sure how we got on that topic.

so i explored further... so, if i started kissing people, that'd be ok? ... who can I kiss?

she just laughed...

who are you wanting to kiss, i asked..

"no one..."


seems a tad odd.

or maybe i'm over-reacting.

it seems to me that you wouldn't bring this up unless 1) you had already kissed someone 2) you wanted to explore the option 3) you wanted to see if your partner had been kissing someone...

is all of this silly?

maybe so.

we talked about it and laughed. but my mind still can't reconcile it. Does it mean it's been 5 years of marriage and it's time for something new? Does it mean ... what does it mean.

maybe nothing.

Thursday, March 03, 2005
Of Dogs and Cats ...

so yeah, apparently one of my dear readers says I can't get a dog b/c I might keep it outside.


cats are inside/outside pets -- they can go either way. They make good inside pets b/c they are clean.

this reader says "dogs are pack animals, they are meant to live in your house" -- without further explanation, this analysis falls short.

in fact, it's not analysis at all.

dogs are pack animals so if they go outside they'll get into packs?

they are pack animals, so if they stay inside, your family will be their pack?

i just don't get it.

yes, poodles and other such dogs may be best-suited or only suited for indoors -- and i'm not at all interested in that type of dog.

i'd like a beagle.

beagles are hyper, excitable, and generally fun. and i wouldn't dream of cooping up such a dog inside a home.

they deserve more than that.

anyway, so vortexia, the beer, and I will get a beagle -- maybe 2 beagles ... and keep them outside... we'll also be getting a couple cats inside ... and maybe a barn or something to keep some more cats in ... and maybe a goat.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005
new post, part 2

here i go again

i'm so creative.

love me, people.

love me!

because you know, you know you want to...

and besides, I predict a riot!

New post

this is the required new post.

here it is.

comment away.

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