Hard As A Rock
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Ok, so I am where Murphy was earlier today.
i have nothing new to post.
There are (unfortunately) no new, hot interns checking me out...
no new, hot interns for me to get busted checking out -- (good job, murph)
a normal and quiet day at the office ...
can i get in trouble for ....
well, you lovely readers, give me some ideas on how i can get in (minor) trouble at work ... and create some fun!
Monday, November 29, 2004
Um, Fuck you, too --
or, why this was probably not my favorite Thanksgiving
First, let me say I hope all my lovely readers had a nice Holiday time.
Here's my Turkey Day story.
My wife convinced me to go up to my family's home for Thanksgiving and not for Christmas this year. This was easy since my sister was coming in with her 2 young kids (2 and 1). My wife has NEVER seen my sister's kids even though there has been ample opportunity with my sister coming in to "home" -- a mere 3 hours from where we live. So, i've gone alone several times to see both my parents and my sister and her kids (and husband).
But this year, my wife has finally agreed to see the kids. Great. We're making progress, right.
We're to be leaving on Wednesday, so Tuesday, we're getting ready. Keep in mind, we're visiting with my Dad on Wed, my Mom and her family on Thursday for T-Day dinner, and then going home later Thursday. Just over 1 Full Day with my family.
Tuesday night in a fairly short time period, my wife consumes one entire bottle of wine. She's drunk. She gets sick. She vomits and goes to bed.
Whatever. First, i'm not a huge fan of drinking as my regular readers know. Second, if you know you have to be up in the morning it might not be a good idea to get drunk the night before. Now, if it were Friday night and we weren't doing anything Saturday, whatever - I think drunk people act stupid, but that's not my issue.
So, big surprise, Wednesday morning, she wakes up sick and in a foul mood. I have ZERO sympathy. She's not sick b/c she's got some virus, she's sick b/c she CHOSE to get drunk and be silly. Fine, hope she enjoyed the fun in the evening and now she's paying for it. However, she's rendered virtually useless. I do all the packing, load the car, wrap Christmas gifts we're taking up, etc. She eats breakfast and then throws it up. I try to baby her a bit and get her moving.
We get in the car and she gets a Starbucks -- within about 15 minutes, she's feeling better -- and she doesn't vomit this time. So, again, mission accomplished, she's in a better mood, we're driving ...
(Sidenote: We listened to the new U2 CD for most of the trip. WONDERFUL. Right up there with Joshua Tree and Acthung Baby -- my wife even liked several of the songs, her favorite is Yahweh -- oh, and it will be the Number ONE album in the country when Billboard releases its ratings later this week -- it's already number 1 in Ireland and the UK -- that's right, Eminem, sit down).
Ok, back to the story. So we get to my dad's house. "how are you"? "fine"
She hardly talks. We have a couple sandwiches my dad made and I go over to the tv area to talk with my sister, her kids, everybody -- my wife stays at the table. she then goes outside and calls her sister. She's out there for 15 or so minutes.
Comes in. Sits down. Doesn't talk. obviously in a terrible mood the whole time.
We leave and head to my mom's where we'll be sleeping. She seems ok.
Same shit at my mom's. On Thursday, we get up and shower -- and then she stays in the back, sitting on the bed. doing nothing. I come back to talk with her. nothing. She's "sad" -- can't wait to be back in our "home"
eventually, she comes out and talks a bit, not much, then slumps in a chair. This is my wife - and she's acting like my family is the spawn of satan -- i know, i know, most people aren't thrilled about their in-laws, but at least pretend. My family's not all that weird -- fairly normal, really. And they really like my wife -- or at least, they have the few times she's been around.
so, we go to the aunt and uncle's house for dinner. We eat. my wife hides in another room, then comes out and wants me to sit with her -- not engaged in any conversation.
Dinner is over fairly early, people start to leave. We leave to head home.
She calls her sister from the road. Then, she proceeds to give me the rundown of my family -- my sister is this, my mom's this, all negative stuff.
I've had it ...
We have a real fight, on the road, then calm down. She calls her sister when we get in. Goes over to her house right after we arrive home -- i'm sure to tell her how crazy my family is and how she could hardly stand the 30 hours she was there, 8 of them sleeping and 1-2 more driving between houses.
Honestly, i'd rather her not go at all than to act like she did. But, i think that creates an issue -- plus, she throws a fit whenever I leave .. she'll want to know when i'm leaving, when i'm coming back, why i wasn't home earlier.
yet, when we're at her family's functions, i talk to everyone, maintain calm at some of the oddities, and generally become engaged in the activity -- we do a lot of her family's activities since we live in the area where her family does.
is it too much to ask for my wife to be a happy camper for my family for a day or two once or twice a year?
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
If you have to talk to yourself ...
in order to accomplish your routine daily tasks, PLEASE do NOT get a job in my office.
one day, this quiet, neatly dressed, usually calm man will SNAP and kill you.
If you cannot count in your head silently, maybe you shouldn't have the job that you have ...
If you have to conduct your personal billing issue phone calls at work even though the company in question has 24 hour customer service, please have the courtesy to close the door to my office before you spend 30 minutes on the phone with customer service -- call them from HOME -- or, even better, use the online service unless there's a HUGE error.
I mean, really, i have to type blog entries at some point, and how the hell can i do it with all this damn noise from YOU talking to NO ONE.
If I was not typing right now, she'd be DEAD.
see, blogging does help workplace productivity -- or, in this case, it keeps workers alive.
REALLY, we do not want to hear about your coupons, your evening plans, what you plan to serve for dinner, or hear you ticking off the items on your "to-do" list OUT LOUD.
I know a girl named Murphy who will surely visit you in the night and it won't be pleasant.
Please, discover chat rooms and the SILENT joy of the online world.
SHUT THE HELL UP!
Why you shouldn't ...
Date people who work at your office.
Well, my co-worker who is getting a divorce and who I share an office suite with is seeing this other guy around our office.
Her divorce is not yet final, but she's been hanging out with this guy for some time -- fucking him, too, i think.
anyway, he's fine.
but here's the problem. They have a squabble -- it's lunchtime, he wants to eat with some of his friends, she doesn't want to go -- and CLEARLY wants him to have lunch with her alone ... they get into a fight
and that's why you shouldn't date a co-worker -- your officemates see both of you everyday ... they don't enjoy the tension that is created in the area when the two of you are fighting
people start taking sides...
it's bad enough if you get a call from your spouse or bf or gf and they're mad and you're mad. at least you can calm down and no one at the office has to work with the other person. Now, tension is created and b/c I work here, i can't leave. and I can't not work around either one of them.
Monday, November 22, 2004
I don't want any fucking pickles ...
Here's the deal. I can handle anything. Any major crisis, bring it on.
You got caught snorting cocaine off your 19 year old intern's stomach? -- No problem. Call me. I'll fix it. Soon, you'll be company president or serving a 3rd term in office...
You ran into my car rendering it useless and making me late ... no problem, i'll make some calls, and everything will be fine.
You stole from the non-profit you're working for to give money to the gay prostitute you've been visiting AT THE OFFICE.... call Rock -- at your service, you'll have a one day story, leave the job, and end up with twice the pay somewhere else.
if I specifically ask for my cheeseburger with NO PICKLES and it comes with pickles, YOU REALLY FUCKED UP! I can't handle it. Why the hell can't you just NOT put the pickles on my sandwich? i mean, how fucking hard is it? I'll be complaining. I'll be getting another cheeseburger ... I'll be getting a free sundae. and my lunch will be ruined. I can't handle the mini-crisis. I want my few moments of quiet and peace and eating each day to be quiet and peaceful. I handle big problems every day -- the least you can do is handle (or in this case, not handle) my fucking pickles. I don't like pickles and NO, I cannot just take them off, they leave a rather strong taste that I just don't like.
If it is my pre-planned 1 hour of tv watching a week and you call me or need me to do something, i will throw a fit. this past week, that 1 hour time slot was reserved for "Desperate Housewives" -- and it went smoothly. I think Brie's husband is gay. also, she is hot.
ok, that is all. Murph, when you decide to kill Megan, let me know. I'll fly in the legal team and handle all the angry mobs of local press and you'll come out smelling like a rose.
but please, make sure my cheeseburgers come with NO FUCKING PICKLES.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
I met a girl ...
I'd like to know better, but I'm already with someone ...
yeah, i know, song lyrics ... and i don't even know who sings it...
but i met a girl ...
no, not the redhead.
she just got a new job and will be working with me some
we went to lunch to talk about her new job -- and how our working relationship might evolve
i knew nothing about her really, until today. One thing I didn't realize is that she's taller than I am ... i'm 5'8" -- she has to be probably 5'10" -- long, nice legs under a cute skirt, dark hair, blue eyes
but i'm already with someone
she has a strikingly similar background to mine
but i'm already with someone
we'll be working together quite a bit in the coming year
and i'd like to know better...
i hardly ever leave the office
don't take lunch often
and hardly ever eat with anyone
and then i do
this is nothing, really
but is it only nothing?
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
ties and chocolate
i got i don't know how many comments on my tie today from women around the office...
are they always noticing me? ... today a brighter tie gives them a chance... i mean, really, come on...
i want to have sex.
i'm amazingly horny
oh, and i'm listening to the new U2 online -- damn, it's some good stuff
good, good stuff
i'm going to love the concert
instead of sex, i'm having chocolate...
peanut m&ms -- sure, i'll have to work out for a few minutes longer tomorrow... but i really, really need sex, so chocolate...
come on over, mona, i'll hide the circus peanuts and coat you in chocolate...
murphy? -- you know you need the money
vortexia - long shot, i know -- you've got mayhem and all...
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
I want the new Ford Mustang. I'm not much of a car fanatic, but this car looks great and I bet it's fast as hell. 2nd choice is a Lincoln LS ...
I've heard a 2nd song from U2's new album, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb. The song: "Love and Peace Or Else" -- it's a brilliant song with wonderful lyrics and a great sound. Reminds me a bit of "Bad" ...
The whole album will be available (streaming) online tomorrow at U2.com.
Check it out -- i know i won't be getting any work done once it comes online.
I'm buying it next week (it's released on the 23rd) -- should be good driving music for Thanksgiving.
I saw a friend today who used to work with me. She's doing great -- an official lawyer now, all sworn-in and everything. And no, it's not Stacey. She looked great and stopped by here to chat for a minute.
oh, next week is Thanksgiving -- but that's getting a little ahead of the game. Should be a nice break from work, though.
I like circus peanuts.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Did you use the weedeater?
Um, this is how I was greeted late Saturday night.
I was home alone all day. My wife went out shopping all day. I mean all day -- left at 10:00 AM and got back after 11 PM. No problem for me, really.
So, I mowed the lawn. I washed the clothes. I did the dishes. I also got some Sonic and watched a football game.
I spent three hours outside -- mowing, cleaning up, fertilizing.
And when my wife got home, she says, first thing she says after not seeing me all day ..."did you use the weedeater, i saw a few weeds around the trees..."
You had your day of fun. I did lots of needed work around the house -- and yes, had my share of relaxation, and you greet me with "did you use the weedeater?"
This is not a one-time thing. Everytime i do something in the yard, my wife finds something to criticize... i saw a tiny weed there, there was a small stick near the driveway ... some of the grass looks brown, ... blah blah blah.
here's the deal: when you can go outside and run the mower, the weedeater, the leaf blower, and seed and fertilize until all the neighbors tell us we have the best-looking lawn on the block, then, and only then, can you criticize my yard work.
and don't forget -- i didn't just do the yard, i washed clothes and dishes. folded the clothes, put mine away. house was neater when you got home than it was when you left...
oh, and of course, yet another weekend with no sex -- which really, after the mini-fight saturday, i really didn't feel like having sex with her...
Friday, November 12, 2004
the tallish red-headed girl who sits in the hallway outside my classroom.
the one i see everyday as I'm leaving class
the one who is always reading something, studying perhaps
I saw you today, i noticed that you looked up from your "reading" ... i noticed you noticing me ... i saw your sly, small smile. I saw your eyes.
the answer, miss you, is YES.
Yes, i was looking at you, admiring your attractiveness
Yes, I have noticed you before.
yes, i saw your smile today -- and i saw the "hello" in your eyes.
and yes, if i weren't 1) married and 2) a teacher at your school
i would have
asked you to lunch
does that answer your question?
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
am i in a starter marriage?
I mean, i've certainly grown over the years i've known my wife. Maybe she has, too.
Were we put together to move each other in a direction -- then move away from each other?
I really can't imagine leaving her.
but i can imagine a different life.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Um, more from Rock ... (or, why my weekend was ok)
Since my last post on Thursday, here's what's going on:
I decided on thursday to take a bolder approach to sex with my wife ... i got home, we had a nice meal, she was still in her work clothes and looking pretty sexy.
I gave her an extra-special kiss and she responded... YAY! ... but i know she's all uptight about taking a shower and all before sex, whatever...
we have a nice evening, watching tv, cuddling, kissing ... yes, kissing...
she showers, i shower, we go to bed ... and I kiss her again, more deeply, and she responds -- wow! ... and hell, i say, why not go for it... she apparently feels good, let's go.
so i start kissing her more, kissing her neck, and yes, i'm becoming rather aroused...
so then, in the middle of it, she says "what are you doing?"
I just ignore her and give her another kiss...
but she pulls back ...
"what are you doing? I have to work tomorrow ... we need to go to bed.."
She won't let me kiss her again...
as i lay down, she kisses me on the head and says, "wait for the weekend..."
I don't say anything .. and just go to sleep.
I jacked off in the shower friday morning, not that you all care, but i needed to.
so, the weekend? ... nothing.
why the hell can't we have sex on a thursday? I tried to be sensitive to her issues -- showering and being in bed and all ... but i also wanted to show her I wanted her...
last night, i watched "desperate housewives" -- i think i'm a desperate work-husband... or something. anyway, that annoying Brie bitch (the red-head) was looking all HOT when she tried to get her husband to fuck her -- the burrito scene reminded me of something my wife would do... but then, i'm with brie, she was still there, still looked hot, and was clearly willing to fuck her slob-ass husband and he kicked her out -- whatever, dude... fuck that girl. did I mention she had red hair and looked HOT?
ok, so i went to sleep thinking of getting laid... made for interesting dreams, at least...
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Ok, murphy is begging for it.
yep, she wants it.
So, i'm giving it to her.
A new post, that is ....
My wife is back to being depressed, I guess she's depressed ... it's the same old crap. She hates her job. She doesn't want to go to work. She doesn't like the life we have. And of course, no sex ... it seems like it has been 4 weeks now. Again, don't be tempting me with real sex ... just put me on notice that I need to take care of myself -- b/c this every now and then with a real person just clues me in to what i'm missing ... and i can't even imagine what it'd be like to have sex with someone who really, really wanted to be having sex with ME.
The latest installment is this: I don't make enough money. Hence, we don't have enough. She has complained about this since this past weekend. She called me at work and started talking about it. i said, "i'm sorry i've failed you, why don't you just leave now and move on" Yes, i said it... she said, "no, no ... blah blah... blah"
i'm tired of it.
and let me give the audience a little idea of what we're talking about.
I have a decent job. I'm in line to get a better job with more money. Together, next year, when we are 30, my wife and I will make just under $100,000 -- and I'll make about $10,000 or so more than she does. and if we stay on the same career path, i'll make exponentially more than she does...
so, dear readers, does it sound like I'm slacking in the money department? Keep in mind, right now, we're still doing well - and yes, i'm still working a full-time job and two part-time jobs .. yes, they are small, but they do take time and require effort. She works one job.
anyway, that's my news.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
If you haven't already, vote today!
For Capri Cafaro if you live in Ohio ...
For Stephanie Herseth in South Dakota ...
for whoever ... BUT VOTE ... today
I know Murphy is voting ... she's got the whole damn day off...
could be doing some other things, too ... but instead, she's busy voting and nowhere near here...
Monday, November 01, 2004
Oh, and to be fair to both sides, she's a Republican.
Hoosiers ... and other weekend items ...
First, I'll note that with this post, I'm now over 100 total posts!!
Of course, that's nowhere near Murphy -- but apparently, they don't actually require her to work .. or, she's just that damn efficient.
As for my weekend, thanks for asking!
On Friday night, I stayed up late and watched the movie "Hoosiers" -- which made me think of Murphy for a moment because she lives in Indiana and all. But mostly, it made me thinking of growing up -- there is some wonderful "country" footage in this movie -- an old church with nothing but corn fields around it ... a crossroads in between fields, farmland and a perfect small town ...
i grew up outside a big city -- in a suburban county -- but all of my family is from places just like the scenes in the movie .. my uncles owned farms, i fed calves at family get togethers, drove the tractor, watched milk being processed, played with kittens in the barn, etc ... in high school, our debate team traveled to all kinds of small towns and little high schools ... so, this movie was a walk down memory lane ... an escape for me.
see, being married to me is great fun -- i stay up late watching sentimental 80's basketball movies while you sleep!?
on Halloween (last night) I got to go trick-or-treating with my nieces -- that was fun. i really enjoy halloween -- all the costumes, the kids, the candy -- it's like a huge party -- and for me, a vaguely erotic party (NOT because of the kids) -- but definitely b/c of the HOT moms in costumes like CATs and witches and naughty nurses...
Captain America and Spiderman visited our door -- actually, Spiderman came by twice -- i'm pretty sure it was 2 different kids, but anyway...
WATCH THIS SPACE ..
in response to Murphy's work defaming the character of Capri Cafaro in an admittedly humorous way, I thought I'd do a service for my readers -- and post other pictures of attractive women in politics ... keep watching, and see what i post ... and of course, you can always send me your suggestions by email!